5 Steps How To Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships – Empower Your Voice

5 Steps How To Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships – Empower Your Voice

Create space for authentic connections and learn how to set healthy boundaries in relationships by following these 5 simple, yet powerful and effective steps.

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Key takeouts

• Reminder: every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ you speak creates your reality.
• Setting boundaries is key when it comes to self-care; apart from that setting boundaries is essential for building and maintaining authentic and lasting relationships.
• Boundaries are personal limits we set for ourselves within relationships with other people.
• There are five types of boundaries: physical, energetic, emotional, mental and material boundaries.
• The benefits of setting boundaries in your relationships are improved physical and mental well-being, stronger and healthier relationships, boosted self-esteem, better work-life balance, a sense of safety, etc.
• In short: setting boundaries empowers you to take control of your well-being and interact with others in more respectful and healthy ways.
• Protect your energy and well-being and learn how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships with these 5 powerful steps. Create authentic connections with potential for growth and development for everyone involved.

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Boundaries guide our decision-making process and define whether we say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to something.

And every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ you speak creates your reality.

Setting boundaries is a vital aspect of self-care and essential for building and maintaining authentic and lasting relationships.

However, if you did not have boundaries in place when growing up, the concept of how to set healthy boundaries might be completely new to you.

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are subjective and they vary from person to person. Hence they are also referred to as personal boundaries.

Personal boundaries or boundaries are limits we set for ourselves within relationships with other people such as family, friends, love relationships, co-workers, strangers that we randomly bump into at the supermarket, etc.

5 Types of boundaries

Boundaries come in various forms, each serving to protect different aspects of our well-being.

Generally speaking, there are five types of boundaries:

• Physical – physical boundaries refer to your personal space, privacy, and body; they define how close others can get to you and what kind of physical interactions you are comfortable with
• Time/Energy – time boundaries are about how you manage your time and commitments; they help you prioritize your activities and ensure you have enough time for rest and personal interests
• Mental – mental boundaries concern your thoughts, ideas, beliefs and opinions; they involve respecting others’ viewpoints and expecting the same in return
• Emotional – emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from those of others; they help you manage your own emotions and not take on the emotional burdens of others
• Material – material boundaries relate to your personal possessions and financial resources; they define what you are willing to share and how you expect your belongings to be treated

When we start looking at how to set healthy boundaries in relationships it is important to keep these five types of boundaries and their effects on your well-being in mind.

Tip: If you are looking to dive deeper into the five types of boundaries, check out this article here.

What are the benefits of setting boundaries?

Boundaries protect our physical, mental, and energetic space.

The benefits of setting boundaries are:

• Improved mental health – boundaries help to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression as they protect you from taking on more than you can handle
• Enhanced emotional well-being – setting boundaries on how others can treat you protects your emotional health and prevents feelings of anger, disappointment or frustration
• Stronger relationships – boundaries foster respect and a mutual understanding in relationships; they ensure clear expectations and help prevent manipulation
• Enhanced self-esteem – when you set boundaries for yourself, you reinforce your self-worth; it shows that you value yourself and your needs which can boost your self-esteem
• Improved work-life balance – boundaries help you to allocate time for work and your private life; this balance is important for your overall well-being and helps to prevent burnout
• Reduced conflict – setting clear expectations and boundaries can help minimize conflict in relationships
• Sense of security – having boundaries in place and knowing that your boundaries are respected can bring a sense of safety and security

There are many more benefits of setting boundaries, and some might relate stronger to you than others, however, most importantly, setting boundaries empowers you to take control of your well-being and interact with others respectfully and healthily.

What happens if you don’t set boundaries?

If you don’t set boundaries, you neglect your wants and needs, and everyone and everything around you will always have priority and be more important than yourself.

You end up living life for others. Sooner or later, life is likely to feel overwhelming, maybe even exhausting, and a feeling of emptiness or being trapped might arise within you.

Healthy boundaries vs. unhealthy boundaries

We tend to continue the behaviour patterns we are used to, as they feel comfortable and familiar. This means that if you did not have boundaries in place when growing up, the concept of setting boundaries might be completely new to you.

There are healthy boundaries and unhealthy boundaries. Let me give you a few examples.

Healthy boundaries – when you can say ‘no’ in a relationship without feeling guilty about it or when you can clearly communicate your wants and needs, freely speak your truth, feel comfortable expressing yourself, etc. these are all signs of healthy boundaries.

Unhealthy boundaries – if you don’t feel comfortable saying ‘no’, or you constantly compromise on your wants and needs, or you feel that you have to hide certain parts of your personality when you are with certain people, etc. these are signs of unhealthy boundaries.

5 Tips on how to set healthy boundaries

Below are 5 tips on how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. As always on this blog we will be practical in our approach and do the groundwork first. Make sure to keep your journal handy my friends 🖤.

1. Define your core values

Core values or personal core values are different for everyone. They define who we are, shape our beliefs and principles and reflect what matters most to us in life.

Examples of core values are e.g. honesty, respect, loyalty, health, independence, success, etc.

Knowing your core values is the first step towards better understanding your boundaries as your core values will give you insight into why you have these boundaries in the first place and help guide you in how to set healthy boundaries in your current relationships moving forward.

2. Evaluate your relationships

In step 2 of how to set healthy boundaries, we look at your current relationships and evaluate these relationships. Family relationships, friendships, love relationships, relationships with co-workers, etc.

This is not an easy task, I totally hear ya on this one, but it is an important step in the process of setting healthy boundaries in your relationships.

Below are a few journal prompts to help you get started.

Journal prompts:

• What qualities are most important to you in a friend/family member/partner/etc.?
• Who do you share your deepest secrets and feelings with?
• Is there a relationship that feels draining, maybe even manipulative or toxic?
• Who can you be your authentic self with? Who gets/understands you?
• Can you freely communicate your wants and needs in this relationship?
• Do you feel confident saying ‘no’ in this relationship without feeling guilty about anything?
• Who gives more in this relationship? Or is there a balance?
• How is your current work-life balance?
• Do you currently have any boundaries in place? What is working? What does not work?
• What boundaries would allow you to live the life that you want and desire for yourself?
• Define your most important boundary.
• Is there anything that keeps you from setting boundaries?
• What do you need to change to keep your boundaries in place moving forward?
• Imagine, how would your life change with these boundaries in place…

Start with the most draining relationships first. These will give you the most insight and learning.

Be honest with yourself. Keep in mind that you are doing this for your personal happiness and well-being.

3. Practice Self-Care

When it comes to self-care, I always say that self-care is a 360 approach. Self-care is anything that you do to improve your physical, mental and spiritual well-being.

When you practice self-care, you will be more mindful of your needs which is key when it comes to setting healthy boundaries.

Being with your energy, without distraction from the outer world, allows you to deeply listen within and see clearly what you need at this moment in time.

Self-awareness, yes. And the better you will get to know yourself, the more you will start to appreciate yourself.

With appreciation comes self-worth, one of the main drivers in setting healthy boundaries.

Examples of self-care exercises and self-care activities are e.g. practising gratitude, doing a journal exercise, practising yoga, positive affirmations, starting a morning routine, establishing a healthy work-life balance, etc.

4. Learn to say ‘no’

Every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ you speak creates your reality.

When it comes to setting boundaries, ‘no’ is the most powerful word as ‘no’ establishes these healthy boundaries and manages expectations within relationships.

But saying ‘no’ is not easy for most of us. Most of us are used to saying ‘yes’ rather than ‘no’.

Saying ‘no’ takes courage, but it shows that you are standing up for yourself.

Saying ‘no’ is also an expression of self-respect and self-love.

Reminder: Who you spend your time and energy with is totally up to you. It is your time, your choice. Choose wisely.

5. Speak your truth

Yes, honesty is not always pretty and not everyone will like it, but honesty is an important part when you are looking to build meaningful and lasting relationships.

Communication is so important when it comes to setting and creating healthy boundaries. And how you say things to people matters as much as what you say.

Below are three tips to help you speak your truth:

• Be assertive – Use ‘I’ statements to express your feelings and beliefs e.g. ‘In my opinion’ or ‘I feel strongly’, etc.
• Be direct, yet respectful – clearly state your truth without being aggressive or dismissive of others; balance honesty with empathy
• Prepare in advance – plan what you want to say; write it down in advance, or go over it in your head, this can help you to stay focused and articulate all the points that you wish to address

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Be aware that setting boundaries might break some friendships/relationships/etc., but personally, I would say if these relationships break because of you setting healthy boundaries in place, then I would question how true and honest these relationships and friendships were in the first place.

This might sound harsh, but if you cannot be true and honest about who you are and what you need in a relationship, what’s the point?

A great example of how to set healthy boundaries is Wednesday Addams. This little girl has it all figured out and there is a lot we can learn from this character. If you are curious, check out my blog post 5 Kick-Ass Life Lessons From Wednesday Addams.

After these 5 tips on how to set healthy boundaries let’s take a look at some relationship dynamics and some further tips and tricks on how to set healthy boundaries in relationships.

How to set healthy boundaries with family

First of all, keep in mind that setting healthy boundaries with family members does not mean that you don’t care about your loved ones.

Everyone wants a happy family, but in real life, this is not always the case. Family dynamics can be super complex and setting healthy boundaries with family members can be extra tricky.

When it comes to setting healthy boundaries with family members the first important rule is to stay away from family gossip.

Tackle one topic at a time, clearly communicate your needs and expectations to the other family members and learn when it’s time to walk away and let things go.

Letting things go can be hard, but sometimes this is the only option to protect your inner freedom.

Setting healthy boundaries is about self-respect and if the other person does not show you respect, by walking away and letting things go, you respect yourself which in some cases might be the only way out when it comes to family dynamics.

How to set healthy boundaries with friends

If you are looking to create meaningful, long-lasting, and healthy relationships with your friends, truth is key. The truth is not always pretty, but it is essential to every relationship, not just friendships.

When you are looking to set healthy boundaries in your friendships, be clear about your values and what makes you feel respected and safe in a friendship. What are your expectations of a friendship? What characteristics are important to you in a friend? etc.

Once you are clear about what you are looking for in a friendship, it will be much easier for you to communicate your boundaries to your friend.

Keep in mind that healthy friendships thrive through respect and understanding for each other. As you grow and evolve so might your friendship and you might have to reaccess and define new boundaries over the years.

How to set healthy boundaries at work

Understand that you are the most important asset you have and saying ‘yes’ to yourself does not mean that you are saying ‘no’ to your career.

Setting healthy boundaries at work is beneficial for you as well as your team members. It shows that you can manage your resources and that you take responsibility for yourself as well as your team members.

When it comes to setting healthy boundaries at work, first of all, be clear about your job description and the related tasks that are expected from you. If you are unsure about certain tasks, check with your line manager.

Set up a career plan with your line manager with clear milestones and timings along the way. Ask for regular check-ins with your line manager to ensure that you stay on track and get the opportunities that support your career goals.

Be transparent and clear when communicating with your work colleagues and always be respectful.

Set clear boundaries for yourself e.g. don’t check or answer work emails late at night, switch off your work phone when you leave work, take your lunch break, etc. All this will help you to establish a healthy work-life balance and the time to relax and rejuvenate will help you to keep your productivity levels up.

Related resources: If you struggle to set healthy boundaries at work, check out my blog post How to Practice Self-Care at Work for further ideas and inspiration. In addition, Unwind And Unplug: 13 Effective Ways To Relax After Work.

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Knowing how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships is key when building authentic and lasting connections with people. However, setting healthy boundaries takes constant awareness, strength and courage.

Keep in mind that you are the creator of your life, every action that you take, and every word that you speak creates your reality. Make it a reality that you want to live in, surrounded by people who cheer you on and at the same time sit you down should you need a reality check along the way.

In case there are any questions on how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships, please feel free to leave me a comment below. It is always great to hear from you guys.

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Stay wild,

Nicolle

Featured image: Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash