Empower Your Voice: How To Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships

Welcome back, warrior. This week is all about boundaries and how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships with family, friends, work, your lover, etc. I know this is not an easy one, but setting boundaries is super important for your physical and mental well-being.

Got your fluffy coffee? Perfect, then, let’s start!

If you are a regular on this blog, you know how much we like fluffy coffees on here 😉

But let’s get back to this week’s topic on how to set healthy boundaries…

Boundaries guide our decision-making process and define whether we say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to something. And every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ that we speak creates our reality.

If you are looking to live a meaningful and balanced life, knowing how to set healthy boundaries is an important part of this.

So, let’s take a look at these boundaries, what boundaries are, and the benefits of setting boundaries, and then we will dive right into the 5 tips on how to set healthy boundaries in your relationships.

And as we go through the 5 tips on how to set healthy boundaries, you will notice more and more how setting boundaries can help you to create a life that matters to you, a life that is meaningful and feels in alignment with who you truly are.

What are boundaries?

‘boundary: the limit of what someone considers to be acceptable behavior’

Cambridge Dictionary

Boundaries are subjective and they vary from person to person. Hence they are also referred to as personal boundaries.

Personal boundaries or boundaries are limits that we set for ourselves within relationships with other people such as family, friends, love relationships, co-workers, and also strangers that we randomly bump into at the supermarket, on the street, tube, etc.

5 Types of boundaries

When it comes to how to set healthy boundaries, you need to be aware that there are 5 different types of boundaries.

The 5 different types of boundaries include:

• Physical – physical boundaries refer to your personal space, privacy, and your body
• Time/Energy – time/energy boundaries refer to your expectations around time/lateness, etc.
• Mental – mental boundaries refer to your thoughts and beliefs
• Emotional – emotional boundaries refer to your feelings
• Material – material boundaries refer to your relationship with your possessions

If you would like to dive deeper into the different kinds of boundaries, you can do this here.

What are the benefits of setting boundaries?

Boundaries protect our physical, mental, and energetic space.

Setting boundaries means that you respect yourself, that you value yourself, and that you are true to yourself.

When setting boundaries, you are creating positive and meaningful relationships with opportunities for growth and development for everyone involved in this relationship.

Apart from that, setting boundaries is also a form of self-care as you are taking responsibility for yourself and your own physical and mental well-being.

What happens if you don’t set boundaries?

If you don’t set boundaries, you neglect your wants and needs, and everyone and everything around you will always have priority and be more important than yourself. You end up living life for others. You end up being a people pleaser.

Sooner or later, life is likely to feel overwhelming, maybe exhausting, and a feeling of emptiness or being lost/trapped might arise.

Healthy boundaries vs. unhealthy boundaries

Generally speaking, we tend to continue the patterns that we are used to, as they feel comfortable and familiar to us. And if you didn’t have boundaries in place when growing up, the concept of setting boundaries might be completely new to you.

When it comes to boundaries, there are healthy boundaries and unhealthy boundaries.

What are healthy boundaries? A few examples of healthy boundaries are: when you can say ‘no’ in a relationship without feeling guilty about it or when you can clearly communicate your wants and needs, freely speak your truth, feel comfortable expressing yourself, etc. These are all examples of healthy boundaries.

Unhealthy boundaries are pretty much the opposite. Meaning if you don’t feel comfortable saying ‘no’, or you constantly compromise on your own wants and needs, or you feel that you have to hide parts of your personality when you are with certain people, etc.

No matter what relationship we are looking at, family, friends, love relationships, etc. having healthy boundaries in place allows you to be you.

It allows you to express yourself, share your light with the people around you, and create a life that matters to you, a life that is meaningful to you, a life that feels worth living.

You matter and there is a reason why you are here in this reality at this moment in time.

Always remember, this is your life, make it count, you owe it to yourself.

5 Tips on how to set healthy boundaries

How to set healthy boundaries #1: Define your personal core values

Personal core values are unique, they are different for everyone.

Core values highlight what we stand for and define who we are as a person. They hold our truth, they reflect the things that are important to us and they keep us grounded as we go through life.

Knowing your personal core values will help you to better understand where your boundaries are. Apart from that they will give you valuable insight into why you have these boundaries and they will also help guide you in the process of setting boundaries in your current relationships.

If you are already aware of your personal core values, it might still be worth revisiting them to remind yourself of your personal core values and also because personal core values can change over time.

If you are new to personal core values, check out my blog post Find your Happiness – How to Define your Personal Core Values, and let me walk you through the process of step 1 on how to set healthy boundaries: define your personal core values.

How to set healthy boundaries #2: Evaluate your relationships

Are you ready for the moment of truth?

Now, this can be a hard one, but in order to set healthy boundaries, you need to look at the relationships that you are currently holding with the people in your life. This includes family, friends, your lover, and yes, work as well.

To kickstart the process, feel free to use the journal prompts below to spark your thinking.

Looking at relationships with people is never easy, but remember, you are doing this for your own happiness and well-being.

Trust your intuition when doing this exercise and most importantly, be honest with yourself. If your gut tells you that something is off, trust your gut feeling.

Journal prompts

• What qualities are most important to you in a friend/family member/partner/etc.?
• Who do you share your deepest secrets and feelings with?
• Is there a relationship that feels draining, maybe even manipulative or toxic?
• Who can you be your authentic self with? Who gets/understands you?
• Can you freely communicate your wants and needs in this relationship?
• Do you feel confident saying ‘no’ in this relationship without feeling guilty about anything?
• Who gives more in this relationship? Or is there a balance?
• How is your current work-life balance?
• Do you currently have any boundaries in place? What is working? What does not work?
• What boundaries would allow you to live the life that you want and desire for yourself?
• Define your most important boundary.
• Is there anything that keeps you from setting boundaries?
• What do you need to change to keep your boundaries in place moving forward?
• Imagine, how would your life change with these boundaries in place…

Take your time with this exercise and maybe start with the most draining relationships first. The sooner you know, the quicker you can react and start setting boundaries in place.

Be aware that setting boundaries might break some friendships/relationships/etc., but personally, I would say if they do break because of you setting boundaries in place, then I would question how true and honest these relationships were in the first place.

This might sound a bit harsh, I totally get it, but if you cannot be true and honest about who you are and what you need in a relationship, what’s the point?

How to set healthy boundaries #3: Practice Self-Care

Self-care is pretty much anything that you do for yourself to contribute to your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.

When we practice self-care we are mindful of our needs, which is key when it comes to setting boundaries.

You can trust that every minute you invest in yourself will pay off. And the more quality time you spend with yourself, the better you will get to know yourself, and the more you will appreciate yourself for who you are.

And with an appreciation for who you are comes self-worth, which is another super important understanding when it comes to setting clear boundaries. Apart from that, self-care can help to prevent burnout.

Are you looking for some self-care ideas, self-care tips, and self-care activities? Make sure to check out my self-care series below:

• 12 Self-Care Ideas for Spring
• Splish, Splash, 12 Fun & Exciting Self-Care Ideas for Summer
• 12 Feel-Good Self-Care Ideas for Autumn – Let’s get cozy
• 12 Self-Care Ideas for Winter

How to set healthy boundaries #4: Learn to say ‘no’

When it comes to setting boundaries, ‘no’ is the most powerful word as ‘no’ establishes these healthy boundaries and manages expectations within relationships.

But saying ‘no’ is not easy for most of us. Most of us are used to saying ‘yes’ rather than ‘no’.

Saying ‘no’ takes courage as it means that you are standing up for yourself. And saying ‘no’ is also an expression of self-respect and self-love.

Remember, every ‘yes’ and ‘no’ that you speak creates your reality.

But who you spend your time and energy with is totally up to you. So choose wisely.

How to set healthy boundaries #5: Speak your truth

Communication is so important when it comes to setting and creating healthy boundaries. And how you say things to people matters as much as what you say.

When speaking your truth, try your best to be respectful, communicate clearly, honor your space, and honor your feelings.

Yes, honesty is not always pretty and not everyone will like it, but honesty is an important part when you are looking to build meaningful relationships.

After these 5 tips on how to set healthy boundaries let’s take a look at some relationship dynamics and some further tips and tricks on how to establish healthy boundaries.

How to set healthy boundaries with family

First of all, keep in mind that setting healthy boundaries with family members does not mean that you don’t care about your loved ones.

Everyone wants a happy family, but in real life, this is not always the case. Family dynamics can be super complex and setting healthy boundaries with family members can be extra tricky.

When it comes to setting healthy boundaries with family members first important rule: stay away from family gossip. Tackle one topic at a time, clearly communicate your needs and desires to the other family member and learn when it’s time to walk away and let things go.

Letting things go can be hard, but sometimes this is the only option to protect your inner freedom. Setting healthy boundaries is about self-respect and if the other person does not show you respect, by walking away and letting things go, you respect yourself which in some cases might be the only way out when it comes to family dynamics.

How to set healthy boundaries with friends

If you are looking to create meaningful, long-lasting, and healthy relationships with your friends, truth is key. Now, the truth might hurt sometimes, but still, it is essential to every relationship, not just friendships.

When it comes to setting healthy boundaries with friends, be clear about your personal core values and understand exactly what makes you feel respected and safe in a friendship. Once you are crystal clear about what you are looking for in a friendship it will be much easier to communicate this to your friend.

Keep in mind that healthy friendships thrive through respect and understanding for each other. And as you grow and evolve, your personal core values and expectations towards friendships might change too. Hence you might have to reaccess and define new boundaries over the years. The same applies to your friend of course.

How to set healthy boundaries at work

Setting healthy boundaries at work is not just beneficial for you, but also for your team members. In addition to this, setting healthy boundaries at work also supports your productivity.

When it comes to setting healthy boundaries at work, first of all, be clear about your job description and the related tasks that are expected from you. If you are unsure about certain tasks, check with your line manager. Learn to say ‘no’ and prioritize your tasks. If you have time to help out a colleague great, if not, be transparent about your workload and communicate that respectfully.

Set boundaries for yourself e.g. don’t check or answer work emails late at night, switch off your work phone when going on holidays, take your lunch break, etc.

…and yes, stay away from gossip!

If you struggle to set healthy boundaries at work, check out my blog post How to Practice Self-Care at Work for further ideas and inspiration.

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Setting boundaries takes constant awareness, strength, and courage, but it is so important for your mental health and well-being.

Keep in mind that you are the creator of your life, every action that you take, and every word that you speak creates your reality. Make it a reality that you want to live in, allow yourself to be, to express, and to create a life that matters to you.

BTW, a great example of how to set healthy boundaries is wonderful Wednesday Addams. This little girl has it all figured out and there is a lot to learn from this little character. If you are curious to find out more, get yourself another fluffy coffee and check out my blog post 5 Kick-Ass Life Lessons from Wednesday Addams.

Thank you so much for your time and your space beautiful warrior.

Please feel free to leave questions, comments, thoughts, etc. below, I would love to hear from you.

Have a magical day,

Nicolle

Featured image: Photo by Dominic Sansotta on Unsplash